Maria Sharapova, preparing for U.S. Open, describes how doping ban affected her

Embattled tennis star Maria Sharapova, in detailing the emotions surrounding her comeback, writes in a Players’ Tribune essay that “if you love tennis enough, then at the end of the day, it will love you back.”

That’s part of Sharapova’s rallying cry as she tries to get back to hardcourt form ahead of the U.S. Open -- her first Grand Slam since returning to the tour in April following a 15-month doping ban.

“There was something unique about this particular time off,” she writes in the essay. “There is something about a suspension — the judgments, and the scrutiny, and the emotional toll — that is just hard to compare to anything else.

“I’m not oblivious. I’m aware of what many of my peers have said about me, and how critical of me some of them have been in the press. If you’re a human being with a normal, beating heart, you know … I don’t think that sort of thing will ever fully be possible to ignore. And I don’t think it will ever not be weird or hurtful to go through.”

The French Open denied Sharapova, a two-time champion in the tournament, a wild-card entry to compete, citing the fact that wild cards are only for those coming back from injury, not doping bans. That was in spite of the fact that her initial two-year suspension was reduced on appeal last year by the Court of Arbitration for Sport, which ruled that she had not doped intentionally but was not without fault.

After that fiasco, the Russian star was sidelined with a thigh injury for Wimbledon earlier this month.

“I was pretty down after all that,” she writes. “It seemed so cruel, after those 15 long months away from the game, to have finally started to feel like I was taking a step forward — only to be forced to take two steps back ... I’m sure there are critics of mine, reading this now, and thinking, you know, karma. And if they want to think that, then they’re entitled. But it sure didn’t feel that way at the time. It sure didn’t feel like karma on that night, in that pain, in that MRI machine. On that night … I just wanted to play. It just felt bad. And it felt bad for a while.”

Ultimately, Sharapova said she has grown as a player and a person.

“These last two years have been tougher — so much tougher — than I ever could have anticipated,” she writes. “My passion for the game has never wavered. If anything, it’s only grown stronger. ... I’ve always wanted to face my critics by simply taking the high road. And by showing them, by showing everyone, that taking the high road is a choice.”

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